In the wake of Baby P and Shannon Matthews on our news, I remembered an incident when I was travelling that disturbed me so much I had to write it down immediately as it happened...
Writing from the next table...
One guy and two women speaking French to each other, and one of whom seems to be the partner of the man. Two pale and quiet children variously sit or wander nearby. One boy, the older of the two, starts crying quietly. The adults ignore him until he starts to moan that he is bored. The man tells him to be quiet, that we (the adults) are relaxing and drinking beer. He keeps on and says that he’s been bored all day and that he wants to play; he doesn’t want to watch them drink anymore.
The women both stay silent. The man keeps his voice very calm and tells the boy to be quiet once again. He carries on crying. It is pointed out that his brother isn’t crying, that there can’t be anything to cry about, as his brother isn’t crying. He offers up another desperate plea; he just wants to play, why can’t he play? He says he is asking quietly, not whining. His father, still with a very even voice, almost dangerously calm now, says that he should be quiet and stop crying, and think about the way he is acting, now and until they get back to the hotel; when they will have a little chat. He says that if he thinks about how he’s acting now, then he will understand why, “I do what I’m going to do at the hotel.”
The conversation between the adults resumes. There is talk of going to a bottle shop to get beer and going back to the hotel. The younger boy asks if he can play on the beach and if it safe because if he adults are at the hotel they wont be able to see them (the kids). The father says it will be fine, the beach is close, “you can explore a bit”. The older boy, red eyed, says that they can’t do that, it’s not safe. Father says when he was their age he was all over the place. He says this in a kind of disgusted way, directed towards he older boy.
The waitress comes out. She asks if the group is OK for drinks. The man says that they are going to have to leave because they have “pains of arses who want to do something else”. She leaves. The younger boy protests he isn’t a pain. No one says anything. The older boy whimpers behind his mother, his legs curled up on the chair.
For the first time, the mother looks at her son and says, repeating the man, that he should think about how he is acting. The man agrees and says he will understand when he gets to the hotel. The mother mumbles something about how the other woman doesn’t need to see this. The man assures both women that they wont ‘see’ anything. The boys remain silent.
The man gets up and says “who’s ready?” The little one jumps up and says “I am.” They all get to their feet. The older boy is silent. He is the last one up. They cross the street and he is the last one to climb into the 4x4; the father helps him in.
It is 15 minutes since they left. I wonder if they are back at their hotel now...
Wednesday 19 November 2008
Saturday 25 October 2008
A shopping experience like no other...
The rain is slicing through the car park, people and cars play chicken as they go about their business, in the 1970s shopping precinct.
A huge queue for three cash points just inside entrance to Asda mingles and tangles with the queue for the Coinstar machine (usually a silent beast in the corner of a supermarket, an avert for being poor, which changes the pennies and 5ps you have been putting in an old bottle into real money, at a price) I have never seen a queue for a coin star machine in my life.
The cheapest brands of cigarettes dominate the cigarette and lottery counter, which has an equally unruly and confusing gaggle of people and push chairs queuing to pay their tax on hope.
The supermarket is Saturday-busy, crawling with dusty, pallid complexions, the lines on their faces telling stories you wouldn’t want to hear; women with hair, greying and thinning before its time, matted with grease and hair grips; more pushchairs than parents, grabbing at anything on the clearance shelf; track-suited groups of lads, shouting across the aisles as they ignore the frailty of old and young around them and jostle each other towards the checkouts.
A sea of modern poverty, surrounded by things to consume.
There is mild comedy at the self serve tills as products are waved in the vague direction of the bar code scanner many times before the bleep; a young mum with pushchair fails to scan a plastic toy and is told she can keep it by the acne ridden supervisor; behind him a security guard bungles a old wizened man into a back room for the booze he has hidden in his jacket.
Behind us a man lies on the ground, unable to control his legs, arms or speech, fitting and tripping in the middle of the weekend shopping rush, surrounded by shop staff and paramedics and holding all the till queues up as the till girls crane their necks to see the drama. A little girl with an afro asks her grey-skinned grandmother why the man is on the floor shouting. Gently but with a disturbing resignation, the grandmother explains the man has had something that made his brain go funny but that he will go to hospital and have some tablets and then he will be better. The girl seems satisfied and turns her attention to the sweets by the checkout.
We go back into the blustery rain and drive away as another ambulance screeches into view.
Thursday 16 October 2008
Celebrity
What makes people go weak at the knees for people they’ve seen in a magazine or on stage?
I’ve never really understood the whole screaming-until-you-faint-at-an-early-60s-Beatles-concert type fan-dom.
I’m on a couple of discussion lists for musicians I love and have admired for years, but hardly ever read them as (especially on one of the lists) the things the fans say freak me out....
I also believe that it’s probably true you should never meet your heroes, especially musicians – will they ever live up to what you imagine them to be (especially when your favourite album by them was made in 1974), and is it worth risking never being able to listen to their music again because it reminds you of the time you completely embarrassed yourself by asking them to sign something (WHY do people want a signature, WHY????)
Don’t get me wrong, I once watched an interview with Tom Waits circa 1979 on Youtube and it made me ache to know him then, in just the way his (early) music makes you want to drink too much, smoke too much and live on the seedy side of town; he doesn’t make it sound glamorous, it doesn’t sound easy, but he makes you want to do it anyway, in that 3am-just- finishing-the-second-bottle-of-wine-wallowing-in-some-woe kind of way.
Anyway, that’s OK, you’re on your own, it’s about the music and drink and you don’t have to let anyone know you ever do that...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I run a music festival, and recently went to see an acoustic artist play as part of a city-wide music conference / festival type thing, in the hope of booking him. He happens to be part of a very famous band and also happens to be very good friends with one of my school friends. We’d already had email contact and my friend said she thinks he’s up for playing acoustic at my festival next June.
So I go along with Mars, watch the set, have to disguise the fact that I know the words to the songs even though album only came out a week before (was quite excited at prospect of him playing at festival), and go and talk to him afterwards. He is charming, I get bought a pint by the promoter by virtue of the act I look important because of who I’m talking to, he says he will play my festival for free as long as his band doesn’t get booked for that date, he will know this in January and will confirm.
He is also pleased that his accommodation will be my friend’s mum’s house (at which point I think maybe is not the fact my festival is fabulous but that my friend is gorgeous).
ANYWAY. Nice one. Mars and I are watching the next act when she nudges me and points to said famous bloke and two teenage girls who are getting him to sign a copy of his album, then asking for photos with him, then giggling and trying to think of something to say to keep him there, and gushing, and gushing. He leaves and they immediately inspect the album cover and giggle and ignore the band on stage and visibly begin to devise their facebook status updates for the next day.... this makes me sad.
Am I a snob? Am I a killjoy? Or do I just wish people cared more about the music than about the fame?
Friday 10 October 2008
the final frontier......
I have known Mars for six months, most of the time she has been in the UK, in fact I remember the date I first met her as it was the day after I had been mugged (attempted mugging as I refused to give the mugger my bag). This greatly amused Mars, for what exact reason I cannot remember, but it was probably the fact that the story involved two (yes TWO) people falling over, something I would later come to realise is the thing she finds funniest in the world.
Anyway, I know her better now as she has been living with me for the past four months and I can fully recommend her as an interesting, funny and opinionated (in a good way) person, who has easily integrated into the Manchester scene and my group of friends. Although I’m not sure why she couldn’t just remind me she wanted me to write this thing in person instead of through her anonymous persona.....
Don’t worry Mars, will email you the proper one ....
Wednesday 24 September 2008
Kiffissia to Athens
Two women, both Greek, both look very Greek but not at all alike; one dressed with thought and one with utility, one tanned, one pale, one slim, one not, seated next to each other as the train scuttles into the light from the tunnel.
In perfect, almost poetic harmony they both glance out of a window at a passing church and silently cross themselves, then return to their differences.
In perfect, almost poetic harmony they both glance out of a window at a passing church and silently cross themselves, then return to their differences.
Thursday 28 August 2008
Editing our memories
I first gave in to digital photographs four days before I left England for Vietnam. I gave in for practical and financial reasons. I didn't want to, I was reluctant and ashamed. That was two and a half years ago. I am more ashamed that, having been back from that trip for almost two years my film SLR remains under my old bed at my Mum's house. It's too easy to stay with digital but I wonder what the consequences are....
The digital camera interrupts the long moment, and panders to our vanities. Where a film camera will capture an instant and leave it there, a digital camera demands to be looked at, it demands attention, screaming and shouting from the table that you can see the images immediately. So instead of carrying on with the day / drink / conversation, we huddle around the camera looking, zooming in, deleting, editing.
We are editing our memories, we are editing before we had time to process. Deleting too early what could become the missing pieces of a story, the telling smile or glance that 'spoils' a photograph in the instant but could be capturing the prelude to something that will happen in the future.
What are we losing? Does it even matter?
The digital camera interrupts the long moment, and panders to our vanities. Where a film camera will capture an instant and leave it there, a digital camera demands to be looked at, it demands attention, screaming and shouting from the table that you can see the images immediately. So instead of carrying on with the day / drink / conversation, we huddle around the camera looking, zooming in, deleting, editing.
We are editing our memories, we are editing before we had time to process. Deleting too early what could become the missing pieces of a story, the telling smile or glance that 'spoils' a photograph in the instant but could be capturing the prelude to something that will happen in the future.
What are we losing? Does it even matter?
Tuesday 12 August 2008
Falling in love
I never saw my home town until I stayed away too long...
- San Diego Serenade, Tom Waits
It usually takes something or someone else to give you a new perspective on home and what it means to you. Leaving home to go to University across the hills, I welcomed the concrete and the rain and the freedom of my new found city home; this feeling only ever interrupted in those three years for the split second on trips home as my father's car would round the bend and open up the winding road to the village where I grew up.
A hand printed photograph of those hills, given to me before I went travelling, was forgotten until someone found it at the back of my journal, on the other side of the world, and made me look at it properly, and make me home sick.
But looking at a view or a photograph of a view isn't the same as looking at your home town through someone else's eyes.
We had hired the cheapest vehicle we could, more roller skate than car, but in the end this made the weekend more fun, and probably saved my excess a few times. Planning these things too much raises expectations and invites disappointment, I should have known my hills would speak for themselves. I thought we'd need a soundtrack, but the roller skate seemed to disagree and ate the CD before we'd even filled the tank.
Avoiding motorways and taking to the back roads, Yorkshire didn't let me down; as we crossed the border we were suddenly sharing the road with sheep, the clouds became more dramatic and everything grew. I couldn't imagine seeing this for the first time and was glad I wasn't. I was actually proud of being from Yorkshire for the first time in my life.
I drove and narrated and drove and told stories and drove and hoped that my ramblings wouldn't spoil the place for my guest.
As we pulled away from the traffic lights round the corner from the flat, back in the rainy city, the roller skate serenaded us with the Beatles' Blackbird.
- San Diego Serenade, Tom Waits
It usually takes something or someone else to give you a new perspective on home and what it means to you. Leaving home to go to University across the hills, I welcomed the concrete and the rain and the freedom of my new found city home; this feeling only ever interrupted in those three years for the split second on trips home as my father's car would round the bend and open up the winding road to the village where I grew up.
A hand printed photograph of those hills, given to me before I went travelling, was forgotten until someone found it at the back of my journal, on the other side of the world, and made me look at it properly, and make me home sick.
But looking at a view or a photograph of a view isn't the same as looking at your home town through someone else's eyes.
We had hired the cheapest vehicle we could, more roller skate than car, but in the end this made the weekend more fun, and probably saved my excess a few times. Planning these things too much raises expectations and invites disappointment, I should have known my hills would speak for themselves. I thought we'd need a soundtrack, but the roller skate seemed to disagree and ate the CD before we'd even filled the tank.
Avoiding motorways and taking to the back roads, Yorkshire didn't let me down; as we crossed the border we were suddenly sharing the road with sheep, the clouds became more dramatic and everything grew. I couldn't imagine seeing this for the first time and was glad I wasn't. I was actually proud of being from Yorkshire for the first time in my life.
I drove and narrated and drove and told stories and drove and hoped that my ramblings wouldn't spoil the place for my guest.
As we pulled away from the traffic lights round the corner from the flat, back in the rainy city, the roller skate serenaded us with the Beatles' Blackbird.
Wednesday 30 July 2008
Looking at a map
The map does not show the rain:
only pale blue for sea...
- Looking at a Map, Dannie Abse (extract)
Being in a new place, should you see all of the things on a map or in a guidebook?
A map becomes 3d and builds itself in your mind as you explore the place. Some parts will remain flat, with little drawings of buildings and places of interest. Others are alive with smells and sounds and your memories and photographs, fighting for space on the paper.
I always feel a trip to somewhere new has been a success; worthwhile; memorable; to be told of; if I discover a place that suits it's surroundings for me, or makes me think, whether that simply be the atmosphere of the city or town, or epitomises the essence of the trip. Or something that's surprising...
I love reading guidebooks. I love finding out what someone else deemed to be worth putting in those few pages. Why is somewhere better to see than another?
No one will have the same experience as you, anywhere.
Why does something or somewhere stand out particularly, years later?
A woman dressed in rags on her knees but with a perfect posture, head down, palms up to the sky and to the hundreds of well dressed passers by, on a back street near the Rialto bridge in Venice in December. This sticks in my mind more than the hundreds of similar sights I saw in South East Asia.
________________________
Walking, wandering, photographing along residential streets and canals on a sunny early evening in Amsterdam, five of us stumbled across Cafe Nagel.
An Art Deco, one-room corner bar, it looked intriguing. We spent an hour or so in there, drinking local beer and enjoying the fact that it felt like our discovery of the weekend. Full of people who appeared to be meeting after work, none of whom took any notice of us - we were neither welcome or unwelcome - invisible observers.
Smoky, but only for the next 8 days until the smoking ban would kick in, the sun was at the perfect point in the sky where it shone in sheets through the windows and stained glass panels; the walls covered in illustrations, photos and prints in mismatched, mis-sized frames, all of which implied a strong story behind them. Who knows. That's what we wanted to believe anyway.
We went back the next day about 2pm.
It wasn't open.
Maybe there are some places you shouldn't return to.....
only pale blue for sea...
- Looking at a Map, Dannie Abse (extract)
Being in a new place, should you see all of the things on a map or in a guidebook?
A map becomes 3d and builds itself in your mind as you explore the place. Some parts will remain flat, with little drawings of buildings and places of interest. Others are alive with smells and sounds and your memories and photographs, fighting for space on the paper.
I always feel a trip to somewhere new has been a success; worthwhile; memorable; to be told of; if I discover a place that suits it's surroundings for me, or makes me think, whether that simply be the atmosphere of the city or town, or epitomises the essence of the trip. Or something that's surprising...
I love reading guidebooks. I love finding out what someone else deemed to be worth putting in those few pages. Why is somewhere better to see than another?
No one will have the same experience as you, anywhere.
Why does something or somewhere stand out particularly, years later?
A woman dressed in rags on her knees but with a perfect posture, head down, palms up to the sky and to the hundreds of well dressed passers by, on a back street near the Rialto bridge in Venice in December. This sticks in my mind more than the hundreds of similar sights I saw in South East Asia.
________________________
Walking, wandering, photographing along residential streets and canals on a sunny early evening in Amsterdam, five of us stumbled across Cafe Nagel.
An Art Deco, one-room corner bar, it looked intriguing. We spent an hour or so in there, drinking local beer and enjoying the fact that it felt like our discovery of the weekend. Full of people who appeared to be meeting after work, none of whom took any notice of us - we were neither welcome or unwelcome - invisible observers.
Smoky, but only for the next 8 days until the smoking ban would kick in, the sun was at the perfect point in the sky where it shone in sheets through the windows and stained glass panels; the walls covered in illustrations, photos and prints in mismatched, mis-sized frames, all of which implied a strong story behind them. Who knows. That's what we wanted to believe anyway.
We went back the next day about 2pm.
It wasn't open.
Maybe there are some places you shouldn't return to.....
Saturday 19 July 2008
Crown & Cushion, Manchester. Thurs 17th July.
Local pub for local people.... or so you'd think.......
Sat outside in the sheltered smoking area, jumping up every 3 minutes to switch the timed heat lamps back on - they made it feel like it could possibly be summer after all.
Bee. South African. Female. Brickie, sound engineer, musician (bass player), roadie, member of pub pool team, tattoo on arm of a devil with a pentagon - the symbol of her favourite black metal band from Finland. Said she was Aussie until Mars spoke up.
Bloke. South African (nothing to do with Bee). Quarter finalist at Wimbeldon about 12 years ago. Has family in Leicester and Cambridge. Came to Manchester because he'd never been here before.
Roy. Has a gold ring that says Roy on it, he had it made for himself when he turned 50 (just in case he didn't always remember his name by this time). Security guard; got held up with shot gun 22 years ago, was able to convince the attacker that he wasn't scared as he had a metal tobacco tin in his top pocket which would have stopped the fatal bullet. Gave Schroeder full pack of tobacco.
Barman. Long dark hair slicked back, has a look of a biker who sold his bike years ago. Locals call him Hannibal Lecter.
Head of pool team. Is going to propose to his girlfriend on 8th November in this pub. Proposed to his last wife in a restaurant in London on Christmas Eve. His Dad is from Switzerland but he's never been there. He'll go when he takes his dad's ashes there. His Dad has cancer but you wouldn't know it apart fron the hole in his throat. His Dad was a master confectioner by trade, he made 632 wedding cakes in his career and was pool champion 26 times.
Sat outside in the sheltered smoking area, jumping up every 3 minutes to switch the timed heat lamps back on - they made it feel like it could possibly be summer after all.
Bee. South African. Female. Brickie, sound engineer, musician (bass player), roadie, member of pub pool team, tattoo on arm of a devil with a pentagon - the symbol of her favourite black metal band from Finland. Said she was Aussie until Mars spoke up.
Bloke. South African (nothing to do with Bee). Quarter finalist at Wimbeldon about 12 years ago. Has family in Leicester and Cambridge. Came to Manchester because he'd never been here before.
Roy. Has a gold ring that says Roy on it, he had it made for himself when he turned 50 (just in case he didn't always remember his name by this time). Security guard; got held up with shot gun 22 years ago, was able to convince the attacker that he wasn't scared as he had a metal tobacco tin in his top pocket which would have stopped the fatal bullet. Gave Schroeder full pack of tobacco.
Barman. Long dark hair slicked back, has a look of a biker who sold his bike years ago. Locals call him Hannibal Lecter.
Head of pool team. Is going to propose to his girlfriend on 8th November in this pub. Proposed to his last wife in a restaurant in London on Christmas Eve. His Dad is from Switzerland but he's never been there. He'll go when he takes his dad's ashes there. His Dad has cancer but you wouldn't know it apart fron the hole in his throat. His Dad was a master confectioner by trade, he made 632 wedding cakes in his career and was pool champion 26 times.
Friday 11 July 2008
predictions for the weekend
Friday
16.57
Columbo sits in empty office thinking she should just leave, what with one colleague on a train down to London for a party (i.e. not thinking about calling office anytime soon) and the other colleague at home in a mega disabled state (her words) having had keyhole surgery the day before on her knee ( lloyd grossman and the whole crew went must have taken a look as she cannot move without crying) ... so she's not going to calling either.
17.00 and no seconds
Mars leaves work and goes to meet Schroeder to begin birthday drinking (Schroeder's)
18.00
By the time Columbo arrives at bar in N4 there will be a few gathered variously drinking happy hour wine and beer
19.24
Red avenger talks about recent gigs and we probably feel guilty for not attending
20.04
Talks of calling Freddie surface and are quickly dismissed
20.32
Talks of moving to another bar surface and are dismissed
22.00
Lose a few people to drink
22.02
Call Freddie
22.50
Go to Spar for booze and fags, go back to ours with select few
Saturday
03.15
Tom Waits gets first play of the night
05.00
Mars goes to bed
06.25
Mars gets up
06.54
Every CD in apartment now doing a collective impression of a space age rug
09.03
Few people leave
10.00
Fags run out and everyone else gives up
16.30
Mars, Columbo and Schroeder get up to a bomb site
17.00
After cursory cleaning operation, straws are drawn for who will go to shop for supplies
17.30
Supplies of newspaper, crisps, ice lollies, chocolate, bread, bacon, eggs and other expensive crap are welcomed into apartment. Watch crap TV and read paper
21.20
Talks of going out for a beer surface and are dismissed
22.00
One of us tries to drink a beer or glass of wine. Still watching crap TV
00.00
All give in and go to bed
Sunday
11.15
Tidy apartment, go and get paper
14.30
Realise its 14.30 and that we should do something. Carry on reading paper.
17.00
Go to shop to buy wine and beer and food
17.30
Begin to cook potato dauphoinois and beef bourginon
22.00
Serve potato dauphoinois and beef bourginon (it takes a long time!)
23.30
All go to bed
..... you know what, writing that makes it seem really depressing! we've done pretty much that every weekend since the festival mania died down and it was nice at first but that pretty much is the meaning of a lost weekend......
Lets see what happens in real life eh??....
16.57
Columbo sits in empty office thinking she should just leave, what with one colleague on a train down to London for a party (i.e. not thinking about calling office anytime soon) and the other colleague at home in a mega disabled state (her words) having had keyhole surgery the day before on her knee ( lloyd grossman and the whole crew went must have taken a look as she cannot move without crying) ... so she's not going to calling either.
17.00 and no seconds
Mars leaves work and goes to meet Schroeder to begin birthday drinking (Schroeder's)
18.00
By the time Columbo arrives at bar in N4 there will be a few gathered variously drinking happy hour wine and beer
19.24
Red avenger talks about recent gigs and we probably feel guilty for not attending
20.04
Talks of calling Freddie surface and are quickly dismissed
20.32
Talks of moving to another bar surface and are dismissed
22.00
Lose a few people to drink
22.02
Call Freddie
22.50
Go to Spar for booze and fags, go back to ours with select few
Saturday
03.15
Tom Waits gets first play of the night
05.00
Mars goes to bed
06.25
Mars gets up
06.54
Every CD in apartment now doing a collective impression of a space age rug
09.03
Few people leave
10.00
Fags run out and everyone else gives up
16.30
Mars, Columbo and Schroeder get up to a bomb site
17.00
After cursory cleaning operation, straws are drawn for who will go to shop for supplies
17.30
Supplies of newspaper, crisps, ice lollies, chocolate, bread, bacon, eggs and other expensive crap are welcomed into apartment. Watch crap TV and read paper
21.20
Talks of going out for a beer surface and are dismissed
22.00
One of us tries to drink a beer or glass of wine. Still watching crap TV
00.00
All give in and go to bed
Sunday
11.15
Tidy apartment, go and get paper
14.30
Realise its 14.30 and that we should do something. Carry on reading paper.
17.00
Go to shop to buy wine and beer and food
17.30
Begin to cook potato dauphoinois and beef bourginon
22.00
Serve potato dauphoinois and beef bourginon (it takes a long time!)
23.30
All go to bed
..... you know what, writing that makes it seem really depressing! we've done pretty much that every weekend since the festival mania died down and it was nice at first but that pretty much is the meaning of a lost weekend......
Lets see what happens in real life eh??....
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